This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
then he tried to convert me to islam
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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