we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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