I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
