also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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