last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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