Will you blow on my dice?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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