careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
