why didn't you poke me back
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
