I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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