but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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