I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize