So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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