you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
