WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
