know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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