Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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