blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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