Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I DEMAND FORESKIN
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize