Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
