my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
