It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
