Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize