he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
third nipple confirmed
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
