Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
she peed on how many people?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Randomize
