Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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