some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
worst night to have a conscience
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
