Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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