When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
