I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
meet me or not, i'm out of control
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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