You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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