Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
