Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
