Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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