Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
