you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
