it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
