i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
