listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Randomize
