Moan for me like Helen Keller
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Just cropdusted the office
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
