I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
