I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
This house was built for laser tag.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
