If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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