See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
