ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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