God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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