Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i dont even know how to be here
My vagina just recognized that song.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
