Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
