That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
