Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
