at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
