I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Randomize
