How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
