Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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