You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
