I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
