4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
