So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
