It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
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