Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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