I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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