Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
