I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
