put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
