You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Randomize
