return my video game
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
