wake up i wanna do it froggy style
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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