it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
