we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize