I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
